My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me? (transcript of recording)

As I write this, we’re on the third day of cold, rainy, dreary weather. As if it’s not enough to have the world on lockdown, now I can’t even enjoy the yard and woods that surround my house. More than once over the last week have I thought these same words ... “​My God, my God, why have you forsaken me​?”

Why does it feel like the world is caving in?

Why don’t you do something to stop it?

Why can’t you use your powers to push evil away?

Why can’t you just give us a few weeks of sunshine to help us pull through this awful, unbelievable time we’re leaving in?

As I reflect on my own situation, as I reflect on this weird time we find ourselves living right now, I’m drawn to the image of Mary at the foot of the cross. Can you imagine what it must have felt like to see your son, dying in your midst, and knowing there was absolutely ​nothing​ you could do to prevent it, or to even make it a little more palatable?

I think about those overwhelmed healthcare workers on the front lines, in overwhelmed hospitals, and the gut-wrenching decisions they are having to make. The ones who have to sit by and watch people die, knowing there’s nothing they can do to ease their pain, and the pain of those who love them.

Maybe you, like me, have had those times over the last few weeks where you’ve just felt helpless. I’ve always understood living out faith as a call to action ... a call to ​DO​ something to make life easier for those who find themselves in tough places. A call to ​be present ​with those who find themselves struggling. And yet here we are, in a time where the call to action is “Don’t go do anything. Don’t be present with anyone but your immediate family. Just stay home.”

It’s no wonder that we may be feeling that God is forsaking us in this strange time. It feels like everything we’ve ever learned about how to live out our faith is being challenged right now. Like Jesus on the cross, we’re wondering why God doesn’t just reach out and DO something. Why doesn’t good prevail over evil?

Isn’t that the real struggle with Good Friday? It’s a truly painful day. A day when we see this Jesus that we have grown to know and love hanging on a cross, because of nothing other than his Goodness. A day when we get a glimpse of his own inner struggle, his own pain, his own anger that evil wins this match.

Of course, we know the end to the story - we know that Good prevails. That God prevails. We know God does reach out and act - and that moment is even more glorious than the one that we long for.

And because I know the end of the story, I can feel comforted by the fact that even Jesus wondered why he had been forsaken. I can feel comforted by his pain and uncertainty. Comforted by his willingness to die - alone - on the cross, so that he had a full and complete experience of what it means to be truly human.

On this Good Friday like no other we’ve lived before, Jesus is not simply present with us, but he is here, living it with us. Today, as we remember him dying on the cross, as we remember his crying out to God, may we feel comforted in our own cries of mourning and anger.

My God, My God, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!

through the eyes of mary

I can’t help but think about how hard it was to be Mary during Jesus’ last days. Here was her baby boy, all grown up, being ridiculed and accused. Bruised, beaten, and hung on a cross. What was she thinking as she watched it happen?

Maybe she was remembering when the angel appeared to tell her she was with child. Remembering the fights she had with her family and with Joseph when she revealed the news. Thinking about all they had been through to have this child – this Son of God – the Messiah.

Or perhaps she was thinking about that special night when Jesus was born. The first time she held him in her arms. That long journey she and Joseph took while she was nine months pregnant. Searching for a safe place to give birth.

Maybe she was replaying the many miracles she had seen him perform. Thinking of all the lives he had changed during his three years of ministry.

She had to watch from afar as her oldest child – her beloved – breathed his last breath. She would never embrace him again. Never again see him laugh. She couldn’t even hold his hand as he died.

How did she survive it? Was she angry at God? Confused? Or did she know all along how it would end? How did she stop herself from trying to get him off the cross?

I imagine it was a little bit like this:

Mary’s faith has always astounded me. Her complete willingness to be God’s servant. To do whatever God asks of her. She willingly carried his child even though it was a major inconvenience to both her and Joseph. She, like any mother, loved Jesus more than she ever imagined. She watched him grow up. She helped him grow up.

And now … to watch him die on a cross …

She did it all … willingly … because she believed. She believed God was up to something amazing. She trusted in his promises.

My prayer these next few days is this: As I remember Jesus’ last days in preparation for the Easter celebration, may I be like Mary. May I be God’s willing servant – no matter how inconvenienced I might be. And may I always remember God’s promise to be faithful, no matter how dire the circumstances might seem.

This post was originally published at Bibledude.net.

Roasted Spring Rainbow Salad

One of the hardest parts of deciding to move to the North Shore was leaving the farm that we had very quickly grown to love during the short time we lived in Acton. We loved Farmer Jamie so much that I considered driving back to Littleton once a week , but then we realized that was a teeny bit ridiculous - and quite a bit of gas money - so I went in search of a new farm closer to home. We got many suggestions from friends and neighbors, and went with Marini Farm, because Jamie knows them and also because we really wanted to support a family farm instead of a nonprofit farm. There’s a whole list of reasons for that, but ultimately it came down to simply wanting to help a family in their business and livelihood. We signed up back in February and today, we got to pick up our very first share. And we couldn’t be more pleased!

We came home with 6 parsnips, a bunch of 6 radishes, two bunches of spinach, two bunches of asparagus, four heads of lettuce, and some cider donuts (which are already gone!) To say we’ll be eating a lot of salad this week might be an understatement - but I am up for the challenge. Because everyone gets bored with the same ole salad meal after meal, and also because my husband and children are really hard to convince on the salad front, I have to be creative. This super easy roasted vegetable salad might be my new favorite.

We started with this:

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And ended up with this:

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I had half of a red cabbage in my fridge from our final Winter CSA pickup in April, and some carrots from the farm down the street so I made a rainbow of veggies and threw them in the oven for 30 minutes. When they came out, I put them on top of a bed of thinly sliced lettuce, topped it with homemade croutons (don’t ever throw your crusts away!) and dressed it with the best salad dressing ever. If you could fall in love with food, I’d be in deep. 

Roasted Spring Rainbow Salad  

(Serves 4)

Ingredients:

One bunch radishes, quartered  

1 small carrot (or 6 baby carrots), chopped

1 small parsnip, peeled and chopped

1/4 small sweet onion, chopped small

6 spears asparagus, chopped in 2-inch pieces

1/6 Red Cabbage, sliced  

2 Tbsp olive oil, divided

salt to taste

3 cups crusts and leftover bread, cut into cubes

garlic powder

1 head lettuce, thinly sliced

The Best Dressing (see below)

Preparation: 

Preheat oven to 400 while you’re washing and chopping your veggies. Line veggies on a cookie sheet - I like to do this in rainbow order simply because my kids thing it’s awesome. Drizzle with olive oil and season with salt. Roast for 30 minutes or so, until you start to see them getting brown and caramalized.

Put your bread cubes on a different cookie sheet, drizzle with more olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and garlic powder. Put them in the oven for 20 minutes or so, tossing occasionally to help with even toasting. You’ll never buy croutons again!

While your veggies are roasting and your bread cubes are toasting, wash and slice your lettuce and put it on plates. Mix ingredients for salad dressing in a bottle or mason jar and shake well.

Top lettuce with roasted veggies, croutons, and salad dressing. Be amazed at how delicious your meal is. And promise to make it again very soon. 

The Best Dressing 

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup lemon juice (or a mixture of lemon and orange will work too) 

4 garlic cloves, minced

1 Tbsp Grey Poupon mustard

1 Tbsp sweet and hot mustard

2 Tbsp maple syrup  

Dash of  salt

mix all ingredients in a jar and shake until

combined. Eat on everything. And I do mean everything. 

 

Where Were the Children? [A Good Friday Reflection]

This post was originally published on Good Friday in 2016. We attended a similar Maundy Thursday service last night, at a new congregation, and I was again struck by their incredible ability to really understand what was happening. They both left worship with questions and reflections about how much Jesus loved his friends. I’m republishing this as it was originally written, because it’s been in the archives for far too long, and because sometimes the original says it better than anything new I could come up with.

But why are they taking the candles away Mama? she asks, with tears in her eyes. I like the candles. Will they bring them back?

This is the first Maundy Thursday service we’ve been to in several years. The last one I can remember going to, we left early – because A was just a year old and staying out past 7pm just wasn’t in our cards. But this year, I didn’t care how late we were out … I didn’t want to miss it. I wanted to experience the remembrance of those last days. The last meal. The foot washing. The prayers in the garden. That last night with his friends, his disciples, his family.

I wanted my children to experience it. As difficult as it is to watch … as difficult as it is to understand … the majesty of Easter just isn’t as glorious without experiencing the loss. I wanted them to experience that loss …. so that when we walk in to Easter service and we see the flowers, the candles, the white paraments … when we hear the loud bells and trumpets sounding, it truly is majestic and glorious.

But man did it tear me up inside when my 20-month old asked to go up to have her feet washed. And man did it break my heart to watch my 4-year-old begin to comprehend what was going on.

We’ve dealt with a lot of loss in our family over the last 6 months. The loss of favorite toys that were too big to make the move with us. The loss of a house that was home. The loss of a neighborhood that was so very good to us, and will never be replaceable. The loss of a community of friends that we could call on at any time – whenever we needed them. The loss of two sweet kitties who still have a forever home in our hearts. The loss of a yard where we spent hours of our time – playing, planting, praying. The loss of a church that was far from perfect, but was still home. The loss of family being close by. This watching of the alter being stripped – it was just one more loss for her. For all of us.

And it got me thinking … where were all the children that night that Jesus was arrested and taken away? It was late in the evening, so I imagine they were safe at home with their parents – maybe eating dinner, maybe getting ready for bed, maybe already sleeping. What was it like for them when they awoke the next day and were told that Jesus – the man that welcomed them with open arms when the rest of society pushed them to the side – the man that they loved so dearly – was gone? How did their parents explain it to them? What did they say when the questions started rolling in?

My response went something like this:

They are taking them away so we remember what it was like the night Jesus died. People were sad. They were scared. It was dark and quiet and lonely. But when we come back for Easter service on Sunday, it will all be back.

Because as hard as it is for me to answer the questions, at least I know the loss isn’t forever. At least my response can include the hope that those things we love about worship – the candles, the paraments, the music, the flowers – they will be back. I can’t imagine Maundy Thursday and Good Friday without knowing Easter was coming. And the last several years – those years that I have experienced Easter without experiencing the loss of Maundy Thursday and Good Friday – Easter just didn’t have the same amount of majesty.

So today, on this Holy Good Friday, here’s a blessing for you – a blessing for all of us …

May you take the time to remember the loss, may you remember the quiet of those dark three days, and may you forever rest in the hope that Easter is coming.

Some Thoughts on Spring in New England

When a person loses the ability to take pleasure in the mundane - in the cigarette on the stoop or the gingersnap in the bath - she has probably put herself in unnecessary danger. ... One must be prepared to fight for one’s Simple pleasures and to defend them against elegance and erudition and all manner of glamorous enticements. ~Rules Of Civility

I’m just gonna be real for a second. Spring in New England sucks. It's not the deep dark days of Winter that get me down in New England. At least not this year. This year, I found those early Winter days to be magical - the early darkness of days, the forced slowness and calm, the limited sunlight. I knew it doesn't last forever, that the light returns, and that Spring DOES show up. But the six weeks between we set our clocks back and Memorial Day ... that's the real struggle. We are in the hardest six weeks of life for me here. It's the time when we think Spring should be here. We should be able to go outside in something other than snowsuits and boots. We might still need hats, mittens, and coats - but we shouldn't have to be getting all suited up just to go on a walk. The sun might feel warm, but the wind tells a different story. Instead of seeing flowers and new birth, we look outside and see a sea of white. It almost always snows in March ... and the last few years it's snowed the first week of April as well.

Meanwhile back in Georgia, people are packing away the heavy coats (if they ever got them out at all), are spending long days full of sunshine and playing outside, and are maybe even planting Spring gardens. They are cutting fresh flowers for their centerpieces and getting ready for the start of farmer's markets. 

But I embarked on a journey to embrace the seasons this year ... and to find the beauty in it all. What I'm learning is that my way of embracing these terrible early Spring days is by hibernating. It's my time to just be still inside my house. I ignore the world around me as much as possible. It's the time of year when I regularly say no when people invite me to hang out. I know that better days are coming, but right now ... I just can't bear to do anything except hibernate in my own hole and pretend the world outside me doesn't exist.

It's my time to practice my bread making. It's my time to use up the contents of my freezers (yes ... there are multiple.) To clean the house from top to bottom. To rearrange furniture. To read books. To pray. To write. It's now, more than any other time of the year, that I just long to be alone. Now is the time that I'm doing all I can to take pleasure in the simple - in the mundane - in the quiet.

I know that soon, the snow will melt. The sun will shine it's warm rays and the wind won't be quite as crisp. I know the flowers will bloom and we'll be out of the house more often than not. Come summer, our days will be full of fun. Full of friends. Full of sunshine and picnics and beaches.  

There is a season for everything ... this is my season for being still.